Feeling for the Boundaries of Empathy
What does it take to accept that someone we are truly at odds with is a human, just like us?
Those following the news may be aware that our nation’s capitol is, for lack of a better description, under military occupation. Or, viewed through the looking glass, between 2000-2300 National Guard troops have been deployed to Washington DC as part of a “DC Safe and Beautiful” mission. Whether your news source is Fox or Mother Jones, however, the deployment is at best an unusual action for unusual times - or much worse, emblematic of a sprint toward authoritarianism. While it’s not unheard of, even in progressive Europe, for members of the military to support local law enforcement - in France, the National Gendarmerie, part of the French Armed Forces, handles part of national policing - in the United States both tradition and the legislation including the Posse Comitatus Act make it unusual - and usually unlawful - to use the military in this way.
Last weekend, my husband and I were in DC for a concert on the Wharf, a once quiet area that has, over the last decade, become a high-rent living, shopping, and entertainment district. Amid the cheerful, festive late-summer crowd, several very young National Guardsmen stood, shoulders hunched, eyes downcast. My heart lurched a little. I didn’t feel fear (I accept that my demographics may have made this easier) - I felt pity. This can’t have been what these young men thought they were signing up for. I was also transported back to what I myself thought and felt in my 20s - a time when many of us are trying, with many stumbles along the way, to figure out who we are in the world. 40-something me is not always overwhelmed with pride at the choices made by 20-something me. I hope the people around her viewed her with compassion. I try to.
I mentioned this to a DC-resident friend, who was appalled. In a few choice words, he asked if I’d also have felt empathy for Hitler Youth in 1930s Germany, and why it was ok to exonerate these young men from the repercussions of their actions. He then yelled “GO HOME!” several times at the uniformed kids. They looked everywhere but at us.
It’s important to be very clear here - of course not. Of course I don’t sympathize with literal Nazis, even young ones. Sometimes, good and evil are pretty easy to parse. And yet. I do feel a tug of pity for any person who is pulled, either through accident, force, in search of identity or through social conditioning, into roles and actions that they don’t fully understand, by people far more powerful than they are. History’s worst “bad guys” had plenty of eager and informed henchmen to assist them, but they also had plenty of frightened, confused, or trapped-feeling conscripts. This doesn’t mean these individuals shouldn’t have known better, and thereby shouldn’t have done better. It just means that I strongly believe that it is all of our responsibility to try as hard as we can to help those around us feel that they are safe, seen, heard - and have choices. To know that if they choose a different path than the one they’re on, they’ll have a place to land, to belong.
If you’ve read this far and are still with me - but maybe wondering what the heck this all has to do with mindfulness - here’s the connection, in the form of a meditation practice.
In “Just Like Me” meditation (popularized by Jack Kornfield among other teachers), we gaze directly into another person’s eyes (very daunting!) and then repeat to ourselves a series of phrases that acknowledge that the person across from us is “Just Like Me.” This person is another human…just like me. This person has been joyful, just like me. This person has fears and hopes, just like me.” Here’s one guided recording.
I suggest starting a few steps easier, making this an imaginary practice. First, call to mind someone you love - just like in metta meditation - and repeat these phrases (or play the recording above) with them in mind. If that feels accessible, you can try widening the circle - maybe calling to mind someone you find truly difficult to hold with compassion, and try, just try, experimenting what it feels like to imagine them as a person just like you. You can use the recording below for a slightly more abstract version of this exercise, if it feels daunting to try this with people you know!
You don’t have to be immediately flooded with empathy and compassion for all beings - but maybe just noticed how this practice feels. What does it bring up for you? What is easy, and what is difficult? Who is it intuitive and automatic to include in your circle of compassion- and where does this project stretch the boundaries of your imagination and goodwill? Over time, you may notice that this answer changes. That, too, is worth noticing.
Below: audio version of this post + 5-minute guided “just like me” meditation
Post audio:
Meditation: